yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
