Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
