I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
