just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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