theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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