He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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