hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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