dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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