Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
