From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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