all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
