Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
