SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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