i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
