There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
