Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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