I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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