I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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