I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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