Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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