oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nutella sex= disaster
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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