OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
