You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
