Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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