We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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