then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
