Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
