I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
