I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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