I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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