He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
