I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
