there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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