You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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