I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
