just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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