i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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