but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
