Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my liver is dry heaving
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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