You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
