Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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