We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
