she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
