He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
