It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
