Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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