go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
