I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
