Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
