You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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