sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
