You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
operation harelip BJ is a go
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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