Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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