Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
