Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
