I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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