I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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