The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
