you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
