Pappa wants mamma naked
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
