EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
