dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
