you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
