I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
