there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize